Community for Youth in Seattle

This past weekend, I got a glimpse of how people end up in cults. Jason and I spent 3 and 1/2 days at a camp on Vashon Island. The long weekend was a launch course for the Community for Youth program. It's an organization which pairs mentors with at-risk freshmen from three of Seattle's public high schools.

The program seemed amazingly organized and structured to help kids. I was so excited leaving work last Thursday. I thought I was there to get to know 25 high school freshmen, and about 29 other adults who wanted to reach out to kids. And I was going to camp!

There were definitely some good parts - being committed, be your word, and participate 100%. I agree they are important values to instill in children. We also spent a few hours on genuine bonding activities - getting everyone over a wall, trust fall, etc. The usual expected bonding exercises.

But there were also some weird stuff. It was subtly negative. For one activity, we split into two groups by gender. Then each group spent a couple hours together sharing traumatic events. We went around a circle and were asked to share a four-minute story about something we kept secret. We were told not to ask questions, and so we ran through 30 or so tragedies in a couple hours. It was all done to "bond through tragedy" to build a community. (Bonding through tragedy were actually the program director's words). However despite knowing intimate secrets about everyone, I didn't feel closer to the group. For me, it was like watching a series of train wrecks but without actually being there. After those couple hours, I felt so utterly drained and depressed.

The last bonding exercise was to "step outside your box." This entailed the program director publicly breaking some students and mentors down to an emotional puddle. The program director told one mentor "you're just a head on a stick - everything is up there (motioning around his head), nothing in here (motioning around his heart)." When the mentor didn't break down, the program director pushed him further. "You're perfect aren't you? You have it all together." When the mentor laughed and said no, the program director asked him to tell us how he's not. It was clear the program director wanted the mentor to share something deeper.

Another mentor was told "you're an asshole." After the mentor admitted to being an asshole, the program director asked him to share how he's an asshole.

Another guy was told "you hate yourself... feel that." After the guy "who hates himself" broke down, the program director said "we just met the real Joe*." Then everyone clapped. At that point, I realized that this was coerced group therapy. And it was not even therapeutic. It was a public humiliation in front of 70 people he just met: 30 14-year olds, 30 mentors, and 10 staff. 14 year old children.

And the program director scoffed when kids asked repeatedly, "do I have to cry?"

14 year old children. This is how they're teaching children to share, be open, and to get to know people. And I felt betrayed. I signed up to reach out to children, who want a role model and positive influence in their life. This was more of crazy version of group therapy. An interesting note is that the program director is a practicing therapist.

When I left Sunday evening, I wanted to get off the island and run home as fast as I could. I had a fleeting thought of "wow, this is how people end up in cults." Although at that point, I couldn't pinpoint what was wrong. There were just too many things that sat very unwell. It's hard to tell when you're in it and emotionally drained.

It wasn't until one of the other mentors who left (5 of the 30 left) mentioned the Landmark Forum in her farewell email. So Jason and I did our research. It's frighteningly similar. While it was not as extreme, there are striking similarities. There are even some words the program director said verbatim. The program executive director admitted that some staff attended the Landmark Forum. The methodology is to publicly break people down, so they can be transformed. This is how they build a "community." From my experience, it is emotional abuse used to create a bond. Maybe Landmark Forum works for some people, but it was terrible to be tricked into it.

Here's an article about the Landmark Forum for those curious: http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/2000-10-19/news/drive-thru-deliverance/full

baby orangutans and gorillas!

Baby orang-utans and tigers
... organutans sleep and cuddle just like people :)
@ Bronx zoo

subway monologue

I'm not crazy
Look at you
Sleeping, reading, eating on the train
And you call me crazy
For living on the train
This ain't no train
This is my home
10 car mobile condominium
I have heat, air conditioning, and bathrooms
Just $2 a day
What's your rent
I ran away from home
Because my wife weighs 389 pounds
If you'd see her, you'd run with me
When I packed my bags
The cat begged to come with me
Do me a favor
Please don't leave the paper when you leave
I've got company coming later

-- Tenant of the A subway train in NYC